I really do try to keep this blog positive, but it’s only fair that I talk about my bad days. It wouldn’t be right for me to give this false impression that I breeze through everything to cries of “you’re so strong” or “you’re so positive!”

This evening I have had a complete meltdown. I’ve tried to hold it in but that’s not helpful for me really is it?

Over the last few months every other night or so, particularly if I’ve been on my feet a lot throughout the day, I’ve been getting pain in my left thigh. It’s a burning pain, that I can’t quite describe. It’s not unbearable pain, but it’s certainly unpleasant.  

A couple of paracetamol later, a few squirts of CBD oil and a massage on it from Dave and it has eased up. It’ll be gone in the morning. But that won’t stop it coming back tomorrow or the day after. Or the day after that and the day after that.

Then it hit me. I’m probably going to have this pain every single day for the rest of my life. Or every other day. 

I cried my eyes out. What else is there to do? I feel better for it, but it doesn’t fix it. The pain will still come back tomorrow. 

I can’t fault the amazing treatment that I’ve had. Hopefully it’ll stop any further relapses and progression but it won’t stop what I already deal with. 

Today, I am not ok. But tomorrow is another day, and hopefully a brighter one.