Month: Jan 2019

Going Strong

Although I go for appointments every month I only see Danny once every three, and today was my day to see him. The last couple of times I’ve been to see him I’ve been feeling pretty fed up, but today it was nice to be able to go in with a smile on my face. 

I vowed not to get too hung up on my lymphocytes (white blood cell count) because it’s normal for it to fluctuate month on month. There are also theories about the slower it building up, the more effective the treatment. I didn’t want to get obsessive about that and wanted to do my best to remain calm and to just let Danny let me know if there was anything to worry about. I did however give in today. After a bit of a cold that I recovered better from than the rest of the family over Christmas, I was a little concerned and it made me want to check in.

My white blood cell count is at 0.6. For the average person, that’s rubbish, but for me, that’s good. The idea is that they get back up to 1 (which is the low end of a normal person) in time for the second round of treatment this year. So six months on and I’m just over halfway there which is a good sign. I’m glad I gave in and asked!

I’m feeling good so far this year I don’t tend to prescribe to the whole “this is my year” vibe, but I actually feel like this year could be. Who knew?! Certain aspects of my life feel a little odd at the moment but they’re definitely not dulling my sparkle, which is all I can ask. All in all, there’s no January blues to be seen here, and I’m feeling really uplifted.

I’ve started my new shifts at work now too. Today’s my second Wednesday off since going on them but it’s way too difficult to tell if they’re working for me yet. Surprisingly though, working until 6 is not as grim as first anticipated. Last Thursday and Friday it would be fair to say that I was just as bloody knackered as usual, but after 18 days off over Christmas it’s no real surprise. So I’m not calling it a failure yet!

For anyone who isn’t a friend of mine on Facebook, you might not know that I have been studying an HR qualification – Advanced Employment Law. The assignment was due around about the time that I went blind in my left eye, so I ended up deferring it. That was 18 months ago. The CIPD (who I studied with) have been great and continued to let me defer it, but in October I decided that after roughly 15 months, I needed to just knuckle down and get it done. I found out on Friday that I’d passed it which I’m over the moon about. It’s a stress off the list and it’s another string to add to the bow. Prior to being diagnosed I was really keen to pursue a career in HR case management. It’s still not a complete write off, but I guess my desire to further and develop my career is not a priority at the moment. I’m really just happy doing a good job in my current role in Learning and Development. MS had made me realise that a career isn’t the be all and end all. And at only 32, there’s nothing stopping me picking it back up again when I feel called to do so. 

I feel as though I’ve spent my life developing myself academically, and right now I’m enjoying developing myself in terms of who I am and how I am. I’m enjoying pursuing mindfulness and meditation. Exploring my spirituality. On Saturday, I’m doing my Second Degree Reiki which will make me a Reiki Practitioner and that’s really exciting too.

When people ask me how I am, I often say plodding along. But right now, it’s fair to say I’m skipping! 

Hey there, it’s Yogi (Bear)

Happy New Year! Hope you’re feeling good. Promise me you didn’t say “new year, new me” and said “new year, same old awesome me!”

Anyway, as luck would have it, my endless weeks of fatigue which have seen me not step in the gym for roughly two months has come to an end. So obviously, just as all the usual January hordes are turning up, I get my mojo back. Bloody marvellous. It’s ok though. I have a cunning plan for the next 30 days. THEN I’ll go back to the gym!

Last January, I signed up to Adriene Mishler’s 30 day Yoga journey. Because I never see ANYTHING through, obviously I didn’t complete it. I think I did about three days, decided it hurt too much and I couldn’t make time for it, and gave up. This year however will be different. This year I want to continue to just work on my spiritual, mind and body connection and I feel like Yoga is just another step in that journey. And this year, if I miss a day, that’s ok. I’ll just pick it back up again the next day. No-one, anywhere specified that it had to be completed in 30 consecutive days so I literally have no idea why I put that level of pressure on myself!

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This years journey is called “Dedicate.” Which I fully intend to “dedicate” myself too (I’m here all week!) Today was Day 2 and just like yesterday (and last year) it was really bloody hard. When I was in my late teens and early 20’s, I loved Yoga and was also a huge fan of Les Mills’ Body Balance. I was also about five stone lighter and three dress sizes smaller. And a lot more flexible. And MS hadn’t broken half of my nerves that help with balance!

It’s really bloody hard when you know how easy you have found it historically. It’s really frustrating. Something that I have previously found peaceful and calming is (did I mention) REALLY BLOODY HARD!!!!! Trying to find peace in all that huffing, puffing and complete lack of grace feels pretty impossible.

BUT!

This is a marathon. Not a sprint. Today was easier than yesterday. And my next session will be easier again. I’m on Day 2 of 30. Day 3 of 365. So what if I’m feeling more “Yogi Bear” than Yogi. We go on.

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In other news, I mentioned a few blogs back that I was exploring options to help manage my work-life balance better. Now that it’s agreed, I can say that I’ve compressed my hours. So I will be working four long days with a Wednesday off which will give me a little relief mid week. I start on Monday, and I’m looking forward to seeing how it might help me. Some people have asked me why I haven’t just dropped a day, but that would result in losing 20% of what I earn. Which is a lot! I don’t feel as though I want to do anything quite as dramatic as that just yet. Not until I’ve tried other options. And I really feel like this one will work for me. So I’m feeling quite positive.

I’m due to see Danny (my MS Nurse) in a couple of weeks for my three monthly appointment, and I have my blood test at the same time. I’ve resisted getting obsessed over my lymphocytes up until this point, but I’m going  to ask him where I’m at when I see him. I’m also planning to get back in touch with the counsellor as I want to get started on sessions. Although I feel in such a better place and feel as though I have turned a corner, I feel like I need to tackle any demons that are lurking. I might just be suppressing them.

Finally, I’m so excited to say that I’m going on the next part of my Reiki journey on 19th January. This will enable me to call myself a “Reiki Practitioner” and send it over distance. I’m so excited about this as I’d love to be able to send it to my parents who live a good 250 miles away from me.

All in all, I’m going into 2019 feeling really positive, and I hope you are too!